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Don’t Do That Bro | Why Men Love To Hate

Dudes, Why So Much Hate?

Buongiorno Fellas! Sorry I’ve been binge watching Master of None and my Italian game is on point. But anyway this Don’t Do That Bro open letter is penned with a heavy heart. As I grow older I am coming to realize that men have a horrible way of showing their admiration for other men. For whatever reasons admiration is delivered in oh so subtle forms of criticism, sarcasm, cynicism, hater-aide, trolling, gossiping, and general shade that can be found in most high school girl’s locker rooms.

Why guys have a hard time congratulating others is beyond my compression. Ok, actually it’s not.

Why men have love to hate is beyond my compression. Ok, actually it’s not. The truth is everything for guys is a competition and with competition comes room for jealousy and hate. A well-regulated or confident man can handle competition without engaging in name calling, subtweets, or creating works of art that take shots without mentioning names (see what I did there). Dysregulated dudes view competition and especially losing or not being as successful as someone else as a deficiency and in order to mask their shame they lash out. Lashing out may present itself as passive aggressive comments or actions or it may come out as outright verbal or physical assaults.

One of the more damaging forms of lashing out happens when dudes act as if they are looking out for their targets best interest, while their motives are actually filled with venom. For instance, Kevin Durant taking a pay cut to bring back Andre Iguodala is a sign of admiration. It says that Durant recognizes that Iggy is an integral part of the squad and he’ll do what it takes to keep him around. Conversely, if Durant would have held a press conference and stated that Iggy was too good of a player to be held back by taking a bench roll. Then went on to suggest that he move on to another team, one might be lead to believe that his motives were pure. All to often the latter is an attempt to move Iggy out of the picture so that Durant could shine, with little concern for Iggy’s career. Durant may insist that his motives are pure but an examination of his heart will prove otherwise. This hypothetical situation obviously involves a more dominant player and a guy whose career is winding down so the analogy thereof might not be as obvious. But the point that is being made is that actions speak lower than words and sometimes actions don’t always match one’s motives.

It’s easy to mask our envy in “wise” words or backhanded flattery but moves like these only highlight our insecurities and show our lack of maturity.

When a man is concerned for his brother, his words and actions will show that. When a man is jealous or views another man as competition his actions may not always reflect the condition of his heart. Confused? Don’t be; let me make it a little more clear. As men we have to learn to accept that some men will be better, faster, stronger, smarter, more successful, garner more fame and/or fortune. As we come to this realization we also have to learn how to lift up those men who shine brighter than us or who amass larger platforms. What I am not suggesting is that guys who are winning are above scrutiny or accountability. But what I am suggesting is that before we tear someone down or look for reasons to tear them down, let’s make sure we are just as adamant in our attempts to celebrate their success and hoist them on our shoulders. It’s easy to mask our envy in “wise” words or backhanded flattery but moves like these only highlight our insecurities and show our lack of maturity. When a guy is winning let’s be his cheerleader, when he has lost his way let’s hand him a torch to lead him out of his darkness. Let’s be men who are driven to do and be better when the competition is on! Let’s not be men who foster envy and jealousy. Congratulate- Do That Bro! Player hate- Don’t Do That Bro!

With all Sincerity,

JP

  • Josh Holton

    Great post! Love listening to the podcast. I think you meant to say “comprehension” in the second paragraph, first line rather than “compression”. Just wanted to let ya know, keep things excellent.